This is probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to write because this was one of the hardest things I have every had to do in my life…
7 days ago we had to make the decision to say goodbye to our boy. As you may know from reading my blog, Jordan had become a “ticking time bomb”. Nearly 3 years ago he was diagnosed with a tumour on his spleen, an adrenal tumour and hepatitis on the liver and we had to rush him to hospital where we were told that the best possible outcome for him would be to have the whole spleen removed. So we did. 8 weeks later he was rushed to hospital again where we were told he had prostate cancer. Our whole world came crumbling down when we heard those words…he may have only 3 to 6 months to live.
Well, did he prove everyone wrong. That dog soldiered on and was determined to show those Specialists that he wasn’t going anywhere. We had our ups and downs, our good days and our bad. There were lots of tears and sleepless nights. My house was never to looked, or smelled the same again. Being a Rottweiler cross and classified as a “large breed” statistically he should have not even made it past 12 years of age.
He had become incontinent and it was driving him crazy. It was driving me crazy. I had invested in male incontinence wraps for him and would insert a babies nappy for extra absorbency. He hated it but persevered. He was also having an issue with diarrhea and accidents where his body was not telling his brain that he needed to do “number 2’s” and it would just happen right then and there. He was mortified. He would run to the door but it was too late. We could tell that his body just couldn’t cope but his brain was still so active and his sight and hearing were still at 100%.
Last week I knew something was wrong. Little Jasper loved his dog so much and was constantly by his side but this time he was smothering him so much. He knew. We also said Jasper was sent here to heal Jordan when he got sick and that is what he did but this time it was time for him to help Jordan on to the next step.
Jordan was vomiting every day for a week, then it was twice a day. He wasn’t well and his medication for his osteoarthritis weren’t working. I knew in my heart the time was coming but I think by this stage my husband was in denial. It’s amazing how everyone copes differently. I thought we would be the opposite. Thursday morning I let him outside and I found him lying on the grass sniffing the air. He was so calm but he just couldn’t get up. His back legs had completely given up on him. Throughout the day he got progressively worse until his front legs couldn’t take it anymore either. His legs were cold and the blood in his body was busy trying to keep his vital organs going. That moment came when we heard those words from the vet “it’s time” and my instant reaction was to burst in to tears. The realisation that this was it was all too much to bear. We decided that we wanted to know exactly what was happening to him so they ran blood test which, to our surprise and even the vet, all came back healthy. His kidney’s were functioning perfectly. I was adamant that was what was going to be the culprit or cancer. So, the only other option was an x-ray. The x-ray showed us an enlarged heart and degenerative spinal disease. A few years ago were told by the specialist that he may have had the onset of it but at his age and with all his problems we couldn’t operate. It was finally what took him. We just stood there with our mouths wide open. After every single thing that dog had gone through in the last couple of years it was something completely different. His body was shutting down before our eyes and we could he was starting to disappear from us. it was like his body was there but his soul was leaving. We knew it was time.
When the time came to say goodbye, even though it was sad and painful the vet made it so peaceful. We all sat on a blanket on the floor with him and hugged and kissed him as the vet talked us through the motions. With one big breath my boy was gone.
We decided to have him cremated and he is home with us now. I sit here in tears again. The pain is still so raw but I have to admit, even though he never ever showed it, he would have been in so much pain and now he will be running free along a beach somewhere, with the sand in his toes!
I miss you so much, my boy. I know we did the right thing. I asked you to tell me when it was time and you did. Run free, my boy, run free!